Stress

I haven't been sleeping well lately. When I wake up to take Ned out around 3-4 am, I can't get abck to sleep. I've had bad dreams about my brother visit going bad, ticks in my hair, and fucking around with time travel which wasn't cool, it was scary. I've been indredibly stressed lately. My jobs been fine. Busy, but good. But I worry a lot about D's job. I worry a lot about money. I would seriously just once like something to happen to us in the "you've landed on Start, jump 3 places ahead in life and collect ten grand" category. As opposed to constantly being stuck "in Jail forking money over". In the course of this week I've received a $50 gift Cert to get my hair cut, a $15 gift Cert to a restaurant and a t-shirt from an Opera house I did the logo for. So maybe $75 in goods that were all little things that have kept me in a good mood and made me feel, ok, little things like this help. So then yesterday i get a check in the mail for $100. A client I did some freelance for was suppposed to pay me $50, and then actually doubled it when they paid me. I was so happy. I mean it, all I could think of was all the plants and garden crap I could buy. And it was only A HUNDRED DOLLARS. Jesus you'd think someone gave me ten grand. So this morning, leaving home early to avoid traffic on 88 due to construction, I got in the truck, and backed out without looking. My mind actually happily thinking about the plants I would orderd at work online today. When the truck stopped with a crunch as I had backed into the Snaab. I just started bawling. Fucking hell. Why for goddamn once could something happen to us that doesn't mean more money going out? The one godamn thing that is special for him and I go and fucking run into it. Fucked up the entire quarter panel, and the entire headlamp box on that side. Probably a couple hundred dollars easy. I just walked in the house bawling and told him what I'd done. There is still part of me that is scared of things like this because back in my previous life I'd probably have been screamed at and hit. You'd think Id' be over that now. He, being the incredibly sweet kind man he is, just told me it was ok. He can probably fix it himself. He can order the part and hammer it out. I'm just tired of worrying about money, worrying about getting pregnant, worrying about whether or not we can continue to live here, will we have to move, but we love our house, but most days we could give two shits about this place except for a very few people.You see the shit that goes on in places around the world. I drive an SUV to work, have a nice job, great husband, nice house, awesome dog. We do not have it bad in life. So why I am so stressed out all the time? We move to friggin WV to get away from it. I swear we have QUADRUPLED it.