getting worked up

I know that I have a tendency towards OCD sometimes, nothing major, just little things - like making the bed every morning, putting everything away in the bathroom after getting ready in the am, making lists, lots of lists, not being able to start something until its organized, but - I don't have to turn the light switch on and off 12 times. Husband refers to it as "Monica"isms. But I think it applies to looking forward to things I'm planning. I get waaaay too worked up about things and my expectation level is always too, too high.

Take this Book Club I'm starting. I have expectations that it's going to be great. Lots of interesting conversation, meeting new people, laughing a lot, run smoothly, etc. I think I need to calm down. I have no idea if the girls that will show up will have one nit of conversation in their heads past their husbands or children, what if they all want to read Harlequin Romance? uuuugggghhhh.... Plus I'm starting it, I'm "running" it. Which means the whole time I feel I've got to be aware that I keep my inner bossiness lo-key. It's supposed to be fun and I could ruin it with a friggin list of rules and regulations. Which yes - I've started to write and deleted.

I know what I want this to be - all my girlfriends from far off getting together. Since I can't have that this is my way of "making do". I just have to keep in perspective that it won't be the same. I planned a "girls night" here when we first moved back to WV. Invited the local crew of girls. Of which 3 I think showed up. In the gist of the conversation I realize that they had all gotten together the evening before as well. I was pissed. After they left I BAWLED. Totally missing my close girlfriends. Well, that's a bit of sharing I usually don't do here. hhmm.

Oh well. Crossing fingers Sunday is a success.