Just Tired & Keeping Busy

Today I just feel really tired and hollow. I didn't cry too much this morning. Last night I continued to work on my "Book of April" photo album. NOT a scrapbook. Blech! I hate all that scrappy scrapbook shit. I can't understand how women can spend hours and tons of money on that crap. Don't you have something better to do? Mine is pretty simple with photos and comments. I've written a bunch of Aprilisms to add to it. Everyday we think of more to add to the book. Looking at pictures of her constantly helps actually. It helps the emptiness a bit. We've been saying a lot "over where April is" meaning her grave. Dad signed up for an Abor Day foundation thing and we're getting like a dozen flowering trees. He wants to put one as a memorial for April. I think that's great. We'll have to cut down a Pawpaw tree or to to put it up. I want to plant some Shasta daisies and ferns around her as well. ( I think its funny and sadly sweet to say she's "pushing up daisies")

I've been looking at the local shelter websites. There is the cutest little 2 year old boy. He looks so damn sweet and cute. I saw him for about 10 seconds when I was at the shelter with Dad. Something about him, his eyes has stayed with me. I may ask Dan if we can go look at him Saturday. Part of me is excited about a new dog, part is sad. Part isn't sure when the right time to do it is. Will people think I didn't love her if I get a new dog too soon? I don't want to replace her. That will never happen. No dog will have her personality. I would also really like a puppy so Dan can experience that and pick one out. But I like the idea of rescuing a shelter dog as well. Maybe if we have full grown dog first, get them used to the house and us, and then a bit later bring home a puppy. I think that might work. But then do we get a beagle puppy or a lab puppy? Oh decisions. At least they keep my mind busy.

Needless to say the whole baby-thing is a bit side-tracked. I would have gone in this past Monday to start sonograms for an IUI. Hell no I can't think of that right now. If I did get pregnant the baby would be tri-colored and howl. We need to get a pup/dog first. Something we know we can have and love and care for. Then in the next month or two I'll get back on the bandwagon. Oh, and that "I'm not drinking cuz I'm trying to get preg" thing - out the window. I'm not chuggin back a six pack, but I have had a glass of beer each night. Helps my head and face relax so I can sleep a bit easier.