My Luck...

Ok, so today I had an appointment to get in for an initial visit with a female D.O. to be my "regular or family Dr". PCP I think - Primary Care Physician? Whatever. I was actually pretty excited about it because when all the pre-visit paperwork came, it said she could do all my Gyn work. I thought this was pretty great. I could get out from the Dr. I've been going to, well ok, more like been listening to over the phone telling me to "keep trying" for 15 months, and see someone younger, maybe with a bit more caring personality...and get to see someone before we go to the specialist in July.

As I'm walking through the office suite corridors counting off suite numbers, I look up and realize this Dr. is in THE SAME SUITE as the one I've been going to. Good. Grief. Ok, to most people, this is like, big deal, what's your problem? But I'd been going to this Dr. since I was about 19. I like the head nurse, I just don't think they have the time or feel like dealing with my problems. To have to sit there and have all my records switched over, and see them and I don't know, I just didn't feel like having one more emotion, be it guilt, nerves, paranoia, etc. So I get in to see this new Dr. She's really nice. Which sucks, becuase I think I would have really liked her. She had heaters in the patient rooms to keep you warm in your stupid little paper gown. I was so nervous. I shouldn't have been, but I was. She started listening to me and said 'look, I have no problem with this. why don't I get you an appointment with my friend who does the same thing, she's a DO, etc, and have you go to her". Perfect. So now I'm seeing this third Dr. in July. I had to go back and get my co-pay and everything. On my way home I talked to Dr. number four, my best friend, who then reamed me out for the fact that I now have to wait til July to get anything done. She's livid that I haven't had any bloodwork done. How I can be so forceful in everything else in life but not this, is driving her mad.

Oh, and Dr. number Four's dad, Dr. number 5, told her once that she shouldn't have jade plants in her house as they're bad luck. Last count I have at least ten jade plants in my house. Go figure.

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ohmigod....
I woke up this morning with a kink in my neck, which has been giving me a tension headache up my neck into my head. I got to work and had half a cup of coffee. Which I quit drinking altogether a couple months ago. Then not thinking, took a "Pain Away" headache reliever pill from the work medicine cabinet. Forgetting that on top of aspirin and acetominiphine it also has caffiene. And I haven't eaten anything yet. I can now feel the blood pumping through my body and I feel lightheaded. I can't eat my cup of yogurt quick enough. But the headache is gone. Maybe because it feels like my head is floating above my body.

Had a great weekend

I had a great weekend. Very relaxing. It's always nice to go to Danno's parent's because you can relax and just visit. Nothing to build or move or cut-down, no chores, just sit, dirnk and eat. They're one of those families that has the second fridge in the garage, it holds other things, but it's referred to as the "beer fridge". I've been told we will have one of these one day. And his mom made him two of his favorite meals, so we had plenty to eat.

We got to spend alllll of Saturday at the beach. If you from NY/Philly/Jersey, I guess you say "shore". We went to LBI ( Long Beach Island) we've never been there before. D's brother just got engaged and T's fiance's mom, whew - has a beach house there. Beautiful house! Great weather too. Just sat around on the beach all day and napped, talked and people watched. I went to start taking pics, and my battery ran out. Sorry. I'll get it replaced soon. After we had enough sun we walked a few blocks to a great hole-in-the wall local bar. Had a few Corona's and sat back. Back at the beach house we had steak and corn for dinner, had one last walk, then drove home. Great day.

Now it's back to work. But we're looking forward to the Fourth this weekend. We've got two parties to go to Saturday we're really looking forward to.

beach bound

Danno the grease-monkey, unlike Putty he doesn't take offense to that, fixed his car so we can get the hell out of wheelville for the weekend! Small chance we might even get to stay at a friends place and extend our time at the shore. We're staying at LBI (Long Beach Island) which sound snobby cuz of the "Long Beach" but I don't think it is. We both need a mini-break badly. Pathetic though, how in our society, time at the beach crammed into less than 2 days is what I'm considering 'relaxing'. Oh to be European and have weeks of vacation... (yes I mean you lady)

Current Mental Musak is "Don't Dream It's Over" also known as the "hey now, heeeeey now" song by Crowded House.

Might post a few pics over the weekend.
Peas.

Damn the Saab

because this morning it decided it didn't want to start. Which means we might not go to Philly this weekend. gggrrrrrrr....want to go to the beach!!!

In other interesting news, the friend that is now pregnant, called to have me check out the blog of her friends that are currently in China to adopt a little girl. They got her yesterday, and she's super cute. Very happy for them, as they had been trying for at least 2 years with no hope. And we're crossing our fingers, but she's not crossing her legs - our friend on cComid is dropping eggs like bombs! Hoping they get good news soon!

I realized I've actually had two annoying songs in my head. The second one, I don't know the name of, but it's from "the Pirate's of Penzanze" and I hate musicals. It goes "I am the very model of a modern major general". I hate this song as well.

"I Think We're Alone Now"

I've been meaning to mention this...
I have had this horrible song in my head since last Friday. I believe it was a hit for the singer Tiffany, she of the Mall concert era. I have no idea where I heard it, or how it got in my head. I'll think it's passed, and then I'll be sitting at my desk working, or driving home, and suddenly realize I'm hearing " the beating of our hearts is the only sound". I hate this song, it's driving me nuts. And yet I can't figure out why I'm not letting it go.

Good vs Bad

Good
• leave for Philly for 3 days Thursday night
• spending at least one full day at the shore
• sun, sand, tanning lotion, salty breeze, good book
• already have a new swimsuit and really like it
• we'll get to see his newly engaged brother & fiance
• planning on a day in downtown Philly, museums, baseball, cheesesteaks
• 3 days away and relaxing

Bad
• nothing for once. very happy today

The Specialist

Since the required two months of "we think you just have bad timing, try two more months" have passed that my Dr. said needed to before I called her again, I called yesterday. After talking to the Office nurse (the Dr's sister) who would then relay info to the Dr, then get back on the line, about 3 times, the Dr finally got on the line and said, "why don't we just put you on some Clomid and see what happens"...I said "uh, you mean without any tests or anything? I haven't even had any blood work done...?" More blah,blah from her followed by, "the one side effect is you might get twins with this - you know that right?" Ok - that's NOT the only side effect, this is a massive drug that gives you hot sweats, swelling all over, and horrible mood swings. But hey - I might get twins. Apparently she didn't like my tone or that I questioned her, so she said, "You know what, why don't we just send you to Pittsburgh". Thank God. All the arrangements have been made and I go see a specialist in July. (which could cost anywhere from $80 - $500 out of pocket hopefully this will be worth it and we'll get some answers, even just having someone sit down and talk with us will be nice) I am really looking forward to it, helps raise the spirits a bit.

No really, it's ok

Everything is finally planted in the garden, now it's just a matter of maintenance. Which means we can start on the next project, a front patio. (It never ends once you own a home) It was a beautiful weekend, gorgeous weather. I had a great Saturday morning at the stables. I got to lead out the first trail ride on PJ, and I helped squeeze in a quick pony ride before I left. The pony was really bad behaved. He bit me, stepped on me and knocked me into the fence, so I have a nice hole in my elbow now. The whole time the 5 yr old was screaming with delight "what a bad pony! yay!!!" I love seeing the little, little girls that are like "I'm FIVE!" " I LOVE Horses!" "My name is LYDIA!" We had two horses tied out front and she came running over "is this a boy or girl, are they married?, how old are they? what are their names? can I ride/pet/feed/hug/kiss him?" The rest of Saturday Danno & I took it easy for a change. Dad came over for dinner, and then we met a few people out later. The Smoking Ban on public places went into affect Friday night, so it was nice to go to the Alpha and not come home all smokey. There were less people there, but I think that will only last for awhile. They'll come back.

Sunday was Father's Day, so I went to church with my dad. I know it makes him happy and I actually like to go. This Sunday though, I almost thought I'd have to get up and leave. When I got there I was telling him about how my friend (more like a sister) who we've been dog sitting for stopped by the night before and picked up her dogs. She also told me she found out she's pregnant while they were on vacation. (This is the girl who has been soooo worried for me that she'd get pregnant again while we're still trying). So when she told me I really had to make her feel it was ok - I'm alright. She's so worried about making me feel bad. It didn't bother me at all that night, but for some reason when I told my dad at church, I started to get upset. Then the whole sermon was all about dad's, god only gives you what you can handle, blah, blah, blah. I think it was sitting there were I used to sit as a little girl, with my dad and grandparents, and thinking about how proud they were to have me there, and that I wish I had a little one to bring for my parentst to be proud of. I couldn't get out of their quick enough. Went home and bawled until I fell asleep. And then woke up to my period. Greeeaat. Happy Sunday to me. So I spent the rest of the day in the garden. That always helps. And later we got pizza and watched "Meet the Fockers", which was actually funny. Felt good to laugh out loud. I thought Barbara Streisand was pretty funny.

Fresh Air

Heard a really good interview today on "Fresh Air", my favorite NPR show. (no - actually my favorite is "The World" ) She was interviewing Nick Hornby about his new book, "A long Way Down". Four people meet on a building rooftop on New Year's eve all intending to jump to their deaths. Apparently what could be a depressing subject is written in standard Hornby format, including a list, and several laughs. Hoping I can get the bookclub to read this one.

The next book I'd like to read is "The Princess Bride". Someone I know is reading the book, and said it's even funnier and better than the movie. It's summer so I need a good, light-hearted book. Oh, not forgetting "Half Blood Prince" when it comes out.

Had to take Grape-Ape to the vet today, she has a rash, no big deal. Actually got out of there for under $100. I think the vet has a crush on me though. She's very "handsome", and religious, like I think she'd be a nun if she wasn't a vet. Has the 'probably played college softball' ara to her. Anyways, we had to wait a bit to see her, and she seemed a bit more dolled up than usual. Always seems flustered around April & I. This could totally be my imagination, but not sure.

Best Things About Summer

Smell of cut grass
Smell of suntan lotion
Cooking practically every dinner on the grill
Sleeping with the windows open
Birds song all day

While I was working on the garden last night our neighbor Sarah rode by on her Appy. I talked to her for at least 45 min. I really like her, but I think the majority of our neighbor dislikes her. She walks to the beat of a different drummer. She's actually more like us than the rest of our neighbors. A naturalist vs. Drs and Lawyers. Her kid is away all summer and she asked me again about riding with her, which I think would be great, I'd love to ride around our woods. So hopefully that happens soon. With regularity.

My parents are coming over for dinner tonight. We don't have them over often enough. They arent' the drop-by-unannounced type of parents. They worry too much about not intruding on our lives to the point they aren't at all. I honestly talked to them more I think when we lived 4 hrs away. But I love them. It's just we have this great big deck and I wish we had more people over to enjoy it with us. Feel that summer is fleeting and it's only June.

Me with the folks on their front porch w/ their Boston Terrier Missy.

(in)Fertility

So here is my big post about fertility. Don't worry, no gory details. More like the emotional shit that it's putting us through, and the information we've learned so far. If you don't want to know about any of this, stop back in a few days when I've posted something new.

"waiting" till 35
If I get anything out of this post, I hopes it's this. That my friends who read this that are my age - 34-35, take it to heart when I say you DON'T have all the time in the world!! To which you can say "fuck you" don't judge me, blah,blah, blah. You cannot wait til you buy a house, finish your PhD, move to Alaska, take the trip to Europe, get married, and even more drastically, find a man. If you know you want children, start NOW. Everything I have read in the past year and 4 months always states how hard(ER) it becomes after 35. We may be healthy, thin, feel young inside, look young on the outside, but our eggs are not getting any younger. This is a fact and I'm not making it up or trying to sound dramatic. It is true. I do look really young for my age. I always have. But you know what, this past year I know my hair has gotten much greyer. Couldn't tell you exactly how much, because I started coloring it. Grey hair is a sign of your body aging. My metabolism slowed down this year as well. I noticed I have to work out more to maintain the same weight, even while eating my normal healthy diet. I so wish we had got off the pill the year we were getting married. That would've been 3 years ago. And I know everyone has different circumstances, but please think about it. Or at least read up about it now, not in 2 years when you're 37.

CYCLES
And I don't mean menstrual. This fertility thing for me at least, goes in cycles. I find I can only deal with it for 3 month stretches. 3 months of temperature testing every morning, peeing on sticks weekly, scheduled nooky, monthly heartbreak, no alcohol at all, no coffee. Then I break and say screw it and go back to drinking and the occasional coffee and skipping the thermometer every morning. This lasts about a week, then I start to worry again, and jump back into it. My bathroom btw looks like Dr. Honeydew's lab. ($10 if you catch that reference) PH sticks, charts, calendars, cups to pee in, etc.

FRUSTRATION/FRIENDS/JEALOUSY
It can be really hard to go through all of this when you have friends that are conceiving every time they sneeze. It is perfectly ok and natural to feel hurt and jealous by this. But at the same time feel so happy for them. One girlfriend has a beautiful little girl. One day she mentioned to me she had a scare, that she thought she was pregnant again and the baby was less than a year old. I wanted to kill her for saying that, but she had no idea that it hurt. This is someone who would never say anything to hurt me. I have another friend that I know will start trying for her 2nd baby in the next few months. She's also the one who dies a little with me every time she asks if I got my period. I swear she keeps track better than I do of my cycle. But I knew she would feel bad if she got preg easily, and here I was still pluggin away at i. I asked her and she said yes, she's dreading it, having to tell me she's pregnant. I told her not to worry. Hell yes I'll cry, but be really happy for her at the same time. It can't be helped, my crazy emotions that is. And speaking of friends, I have another girlfriend who is a full year ahead of me at least, if not two years, into trying. She's just started taking fertility drugs. She's not my closest friend, but having this to talk about has actually made us become closer. Emailing and having her to talk to about this has been very therapeutic. She's the only girl I know that I talk to about it. At least in depth. Because of course you always get the one girl that says "honey, have you tried just getting drunk and fucking?" No, more than a year has gone by and that idea has alluded us somehow. Dumbass.

FINANCES
On top of the stress and worry about trying to conceive, you have to begin to worry about the costs. Nothing fertility related is covered by my insurance. As we begin to start the serious tests, I'm really worried about the costs involved. Yes I want to get pregnant. But part of me, a large part of me, doesn't want to be 50,000 in debt with nothing to show for it. Which could happen. You can adopt a baby from China for $30,000. But an IVF can cost upwards of $20,000, with no guarantees. Which of course I always think - is it ok morally to buy a baby? But I can't judge because what if we have to?

BOOKS
"A Few Good Eggs"
I have mixed feelings about this book. My dad saw the authors interviewed on the "Today" show, and he bought it for me. If that gives you an idea of the level of how my family discusses stuff. Anyways, the book is NOT scientific. It really is two women talking about the problems they, and many, many, MANY of their friends have gone thru. But they tend to berate and admonish more than inform. Every page I read made me feel worse and worse about myself because I'm approaching 35 and not pregnant. Because according to them I put my career first. (they did the same thing and are apparently trying to teach this to others, but it comes off irritating) If you can get past that, I did glean some good, solid useful info from the book, that were really helpful, such as:
• Basal thermometers ARE different from other thermometers, noone actually ever says this to you
• they break down just how few the days are per year for you to conceive
• fertility drugs, if you have to take them, are hard on your body and emotions
• the most helpful chapter was on finances. Most fertility issues are not covered by health insurance. Several states though have Mandates for fertility coverage. This was very helpful to know. I would encourage anyone going through this to look into it.
•resolve.org You have to pay to join, which I haven't, but it contains a lot of information for free, including the state laws regarding fertility and health insurance

"Getting Pregnant"
I spent an hour sitting on the floor in Barnes & Noble sifting through all of their infertility books. This is the one I came away with. There was another book I had intended to buy, because I had researched it on Amazon, and it had great reviews. But when you flipped through it, it was 80% charts for you to fill out. This book has the most usual information, from basic plumbing, to what you shouldn't eat, explanation of different problems, techniques, and so much more. I flipped through and read all the chapters I wanted immediate info on, then went back and read it cover to cover. A few things I learned because of this book, whether significant or not, and there are many I can't remember this second:
• alcohol can cut your chances of conceiving by 50% - which means I rarely drink anymore, except for the day I get my period, and then it's usually lots of wine. No liquor.

• don't eat soy! This is coming from the girl that lived on soynuts from Wholefoods for 2 years. I only used soymilk in my coffee - which I also no longer drink. Soy has natural phytoestrogen - which royally screws up your cycles.

• Caffeine - don't live without it, but switch to tea, it at least has antioxidants. Coffee has too much caffeine and is very acidic. Also leaches calcium from your body

• the days you can actually get preg are very limited

• you should be taking a prenatal vitamin - but men should be taking a multivite, and Vitamin C is a huge help as well. Make sure the multivitamin has zinc.

•we're born with all of our eggs, but guys make swimmers every 72 hours. What he consumes during that time can effect conception when you try a few days later. Stress, loss of sleep, too much alcohol all effects the numbers of tadpoles.

Doctors "wait"
One of the things the "Good Egg" book stressed was not buying into to Doctor loyalty and guilt. If you don't think your dr. is doing enough, get pushy, and then find another one. This being totally Hypocritical. If my Dr. or the Office nurse says one more time to me over the phone "Honey, why don't you wait just 2 more months, we really think you've just got your timing wrong" I. will. scream. A year and 4 months and I haven't had one god damn test ran on me. Not even my blood drawn for hormone levels. I'm giving it until the next cycle, then the next call is me demanding action or I switch.

The Devine Garden

The Devine Garden
Here are a few pics of the garden. I spent the weekend finishing up shaping the raised beds and putting in the last few plants. It's finally all fenced in and 80% planted. I just need to set in the herb plants. Now it's just weeding and fertilizing, and the fun of watching things grow. I'm looking forward to walking up to pick a salad or some zucchini/eggplant and grill them right away. Here's what is planted for this year. We'll see how things go, and probably change up some things for next year.

Corn • beans • peas • cucumbers • peppers (lots of varieties) • tomatoes (also lots of varieties) • broccoli • carrots • eggplant • zucchini • watermelon • pumpkins • strawberries • and eventually lots of herbs.

Danno saw this crazy bug on Sunday.


Close-up of the crazy bug. I'll look up what kind it is this week.

You can't see it in the pics, but there is black deer netting above the chicken wire. So it's not just really big sticks for no reason. The side closest to the camera is 50ft. long.

Inside, you can see all the raised beds.

View of the garden as you walk up to it from the house.

Blue skies while I gardened.

"volunteering"

As per usual I showed up to volunteer at the stables this weekend. Sat was uneventful, picked out a lot of stalls, and watched the ferrier. I've never seen one work on a horse before, so that was really interesting. He had arms like trees. He'd have to have a strong back as well. Half the time the horse seems to decide this is a good time to nap on his back. I had invited the two girls that work there to come up Sat night as we had invited some people up for drinks on the deck. They said they might, but they were trying to go to a concert somewhere.

Sunday morning I show up and wait for 45 minutes before they show up. The photos I took below of the cat and the hills, etc, are what I did to pass the time. I was fairly fed up. Just as I was about to leave they pull in. Still wearing last nights clothes, bed head, and at least one seemed hung over. The hangover one promptly laid down on the couch while I hustled with the other one to quickly bring in, hay, groom and tack up 7-8 horses. For a 10 am trail ride. We got everything done, people show up, we go out on the ride. They hung over one says at least 3 things to me sharp and rude, basically like hurry it up. While we're on the ride I'm supposed to stay next to the 8th grader that is petrified, and scared of heights. She asks me if I can put her foot back in the stirrup for her. I yell ahead and ask if it's ok if I stop to do this - to which I get a "she's a big girl, she can do it herself"... then I hear mom says she has panic attacks. So I pull alongside and help. This happens again. the mom finally tells the lead girl about the attacks, to which she very sarcastically says it would've be nice to know prior to the ride. After the ride, and all the horses are back in, I said hey, I'm gonna take off. Here's where I get really pissed - no "hey thanks, really appreciate your help, blah, blah" Or even an "sorry you waited so long". I am not expecting praise by any means, but this is not the first time I've helped them out on a wknd morning when they're under the weather from partying the night before. If I hadn't helped, yes - they'd still get it done, but I made it a lot easier.

The girls are really nice usually, and I do like them a lot, but they suck at people skills. It also bothers me that they hold a bit of "power" of knowledge above me. I'm 10 years older than them, but because I'm 1) a volunteer and 2) less experienced I keep much quieter than usual. Bite my tongue a lot. All they do is bitch about not getting enough business, but then when they do, they show up looking like shit and do nothing but complain and be rude to the customers. I might not be as experienced with horses, but the age difference with dealing with people, I've got one up on them. But again, I don't say a word. I get to be around horses for free. This weekend was the first time I really wished though that I had one of my own so I didn't have to put up with all the other crap. Big plus is it's still volunteering, so I go when ever I want. I'm just happy I'm learning enough so I can take care of a horse on my own one day.

Stable cat sitting in my lap. Not a cat lover, this shows how bored I was waiting the 45 min. til the stable manager showed up.

Pretty girl Heidi with more mist in the background.

Mist in the valley by the stables, 8 am.

The stable barn.

Why I haven't felt like posting:

I've felt exhausted inside and out. We spent all of May, everyday it seemed like, working on our garden. It's like 1550 square feet. 50 ft down each side and 30ft across. It's been the biggest monkey on our backs. It'll be great next year when all we have to do is till and plant, but this year has been a lot of physical effort. Danno cut 15 dead trees down, which we measure, treated, then dug 15 3'deep holes with a manual post-hole digger. Then set in concrete, and enclosed with chicken wire and deer-fencing. It looks like a stockade. What's worse is its June and not everything is planted. There are 60 year old men that if I told that to would have a fit. "what!!, tarnation ya might as well not grow anything!!". Screw it - I'm still planting, and if next Fall is typical, we can harvest till November. So this has been a lot of work. But not unpleasant. Danno and I have had a really good time doing it. Felt good to build something substantial ourselves.

Then we had friends visit for a long Memorial Day weekend. Which was great. Part of me re-charges whenever I see them, get to talk to them, drink with them. I love them. Both like brother and sister. And I adore their little girl. And she seems to like me too. But I did the hostess thing a bit too much, cleaned, cooked constantly, wore myself out. Then the night before they leave I get my period. 7 days early. Which means we missed it completely. It did not help that'd I'd been around a baby for three days. Or that they left behind their Ikea Highchair which they've now just given us and sits as a huge icon to my infertility. So I held it together till they left. Then later that day while working on the garden I just broke down, started crying and asked D if we could just take a break. I laid down and slept like the dead in the middle of the day. I felt so tired. And sad. And it's taken me like two weeks to get out of it. I felt tired everyday. Which doesn't help as exhaustion is a sign of pregnancy, which I of course was mulling over in my head, even though I knew I couldn't be.

It was also the end of the month at work, so I was too busy to post. And to be honest, I didn't even read my friends blogs till today. I just didn't feel like it. But I obviously got the urge today to catch up. I've posted things below into categories. Making up for like a month's worth, so there is a LOT - photos too!!. Now I can get back to just posting a little blurb here and there.

So "hi" - I'm back.

The Honorable Judge Danno

Because where I work was a sponsor, I was able to get Danno a spot as a judge for the Chili-Cook Off last weekend. He was in heaven! He got to taste the Red (Hot) chili's. I think he go to taste about 20 different chili's. Thank god they didn't have beans!!! They were all numbered, so he doesn't know who he voted for, but boy was he into it. I think he was the last to leave his table. He went around three times, narrowing his choices each time. It was fun to watch as well. Someone had freaked him out by saying he wouldn't be able to drink beer while he judged - no worries - they had a keg just for the judges, AND pitchers of 'ritas. Nice. Bad part though was his judging was at the end of the day, so when I finally got a chance to go around and sample chili, it was mostly all gone. The waterfront looked really nice as well. Like it didn't belong to a dead city. I wasn't expecting it to be as big of an event as it was. Check out the pics below!

Inland view, all the blue tent tops are the chili vendors. Lots of them. It was a really pretty day. 80 degrees. This is about 4pm.



Down river view of the waterfront.

View up the Ohio river, that's the Suspension bridge and the Fort Henry Bridge which I-70 goes over.

Mmmmm yummy beer.

More notes. Notice the expression of deep thought.

Writing notes...as the lady in pink does the chicken dance...Notice he's now wedged between an American flag shirt guy and American flag hat guy.

Tasting. Instructed not to double dip. And yes, people do actually wear American flag shirts like this. And no that isn't Danno.

The Judges Tent

Stables

View from the barn at sunset. The ridge the sun is setting behind is the one we live on.


I've been spending a lot of time at the stables lately. Mainly because it's staying light later in the day, so I can go after work. But mostly I seem to constantly need to be doing something to keep my mind off getting pregnant. So I'm either there or in the garden. Being around the horses and the girls that work there is very therapeutic. I could shovel shit out of a stall all day, if it kept my mind off that. (ok not really) I'd rather groom the horses. I love riding and all that, but I like just being near the horses. There's a new bunch in for the summer trail ride season. In the back of my mind I think 'it'd be great if I could buy one of them in the fall for myself If they have to be sold'...but that's the last thing I need. Just enjoying them all I want for free will have to suffice.

The newbies are Doc (every stable has one I think) Buck (ditto) Marie and PJ. Doc is beautiful. A dark bay,but with light gold undertones. A great ride too, very sweet temperament. Marie is another beauty - she was a sulky racehorse, red bay. Buck is a really muscular chestnut, also a sweetie. His tail is tipped black, very pretty. That leaves PJ, who might become my "project" horse, (but I'd rather it was Doc). PJ needs work to calm her ass down and be a good trail horse. She never stands still and pulls at the bit constantly. When I first groomed her she was an angel, (she's actually still great with grooming and tacking, it's the riding she needs work on) but anyway, I was picking out her her front hoof and she reached around and CHOMPed on the back of my thigh. It hurt. bad. I dropped her hoof and yelled, she half reared and whinnied. She hasn't done it again, I think it was because of a crack in her hoof - but she's a pain, literally, in my ass. Nice bruise. Oh, and she's a solid dark bay, black mane/tail. Really big mare.

Memorial Day Visit

G&G came to visit for a long Memorial Day weekend. It is always so good to see them. They got in late Friday. Spent the rainy morning, basically fixing and eating a huge breakfast. Then went for a long hike with the baby, while the men did manly yard work. Came back took a nap, then my parents came up for dinner. Meant to have a cook-out but it rained. Had a nice meal followed by birthday cake for G and my mom who share birthdays. But the cake was really special. After they blew out the candles, and I served up a quick slice, Danno and I fed each other a bite and said "happy anniversary". It was our wedding cake top. For two anniversaries in a row we've forgotten to eat it. It's been in the freezer for 2 years. Danno said actually, the cake was older than the baby. It took all day to thaw out. We actually ate it. It really did still taste good. Not even a hint of freezer burn. The guys that made it wrapped it like a bomb with saran wrap. We had lots of G&T's over the course of the weekend. Sunday G & I went to the stables to help out and go for a ride. It was just a walk, but it was only the second time she'd ridden western. Later that night I babysat while G&G went out for her birthday dinner. They were amazed how cheap dinner was. Soup, salad, entrees, desert and wine for two for $34. Hey, we might not have a great selection of restaurants, but what we do have is affordable. Monday before they left they took us out to breakfast at Oglebay. They have a huge brunch buffet. Maybe the only place in the valley that serves grits. (which I love)

What else... Oh - I got the baby a toy for her birthday called "Fridge Phonics". It's a module that sticks to the fridge, and every letter of the alphabet has a separate piece that also stick to the fridge. You stick a letter in the center of the module and press, and you hear a song "A says A, A says A, every letter makes a sound, A says Ah". The baby loved it. She took to it right away and hit that button over and over. Like a DJ. A,A,A,A says, A says, every letter makes, A, A. Her parents actually still talk to us. Amazing.

ColdPlay

I got the new album. Which of course I really like. Already loaded on my iPod.(which btw I haven't gotten over yet. The fact I won something this cool and useful) We're planning on going to see these guys twice this summer. One show at Starlake (Post-Gazette Pavilion, sorry) and Nissan Pavilion in Va. Which I hate. Nissan sucks as the worst place ever to see an outdoor show. It is identical to Starlake, which I love. So what's the diff you ask? People pull up to Nissan, park, get-out and go into the show. You can't tailgate. We almost got busted by the ABF because we didn't know. We parked, pulled out the cooler and started drinking. Someone ran over and told us, thankfully. Starlake is just so laid back. Everyone gets there hours early, sets out chairs, fire up the grills, and walk around. Every concert is a festival. Plus you can walk around and always find cheap lawn tickets. Nissan, you can't really do that so much. But we're looking forward to both shows. Can't wait to see Coldplay live.

Thoughts on thoughts

I hear there are a ton of LOST sites with people mulling over all the different storyline possibilities. Not only do I not have time to read them, but I kind of like coming up with my own theories and just testing them against myself. I don't want to absorb too much of other people's take on it. Kind of see if I can solve parts of it on my own, like a mystery. Other than T and Danno, I don't even talk to people about it. Nor know people, that don't live on the other side of the planet, that watch it.

Thoughts on LOST season finale

Beacon: yeah, the smoke means the Others are coming, but not from their island. That was a beacon. Who lit it, I don't know - maybe Rousseau. But here's my thought pattern. Sayid and Charlie went from one side of the island to the other, they went from one beach to the other to find the smoke- we know cuz they cut thru the jungle at one point. (probably the narrowest point) We know the raft went around the island cuz they saw the backside of it and how big it is, THEN started pointing away from it. The Deliverance crew that took Walt - that was NOT a deep-sea boat. They came from another island. If it's close enough - the Cable I keep harping on could actually be connecting the islands.

Map of Second Island theory



The Others: ok - the Others could be a lot of things, descendents from Black Rock, etc. But let's say they are living on the other island. Why? Because of the Hatch? Staying away from it? The beacon means every so many years its safe to come over to the Hatch island?

Hole: That was one deep hole Locke almost got pulled into..did you notice how long it took for the dynamite to hit & blow? The hatch ladder only went a few yards before it stopped, and that hole kept going as well. How far down?

Hurley: How did Locke know his name was Hugo? Was that a slip? Hurley noticed it but didn't say anything.

Watch: now we know why Jin tackled Mike on the beach to get the watch back. But why is a watch so important. even if it was worth more than a Rolex, that's really no big deal. Unless it tells more than regular time....cue my idea about Time/warp/etc. oooohhhh..

Aaron: What the baby's finally named. Here's the biblical reference to Aaron, courtesy of Danno:Aaron - the eldest son of Amram and Jochebed, a daughter of Levi (Ex. 6:20). Some explain the name as meaning mountaineer, others mountain of strength, illuminator. He was born in Egypt three years before his brother Moses, and a number of years after his sister Miriam (2:1,4; 7:7). He married Elisheba, the daughter of Amminadab of the house of Judah (6:23; 1 Chr. 2:10). When the time for the deliverance of Isarael out of Egypt drew nigh, he was sent by God (Ex. 4:14,27-30) to meet his long-absent brother, that he might co-operate with him in all that they were required to do in bringing about the Exodus. He was to be the "mouth" or "prophet" of Moses, i.e., was to speak for him, because he was a man of a ready utterance (7:1,2,9,10,19). He was faithful to his trust, and stood by Moses in all his interviews with Pharaoh.

Black Rock: How does a ship that old have a box of dynamite with spray-painted markings on the box? ooooohhhh...wait a minute - You KNOW that they will have some reason to go back and get that drilling auger next season. That was placed for a reason.

Crazy French Chic: -yeah - I still don't think that was her that lit the beacon. Do you think she lit it because she was hoping they would come? Sayid made point of saying there were no footprints. UNLESS - she's schizo. WAIT - or - everyone left the island to go to the OTHER island, and she was banished to stay where she was - cuz she's crazy - and they told her to signal them when it was dinner time.

No ideas on the monster: - except - is it me or does it kind of have the pop in and out thing that NightCrawler does? like a squid.

"Talk to Her"

I got sucked into this movie last night on IFC. Weird, weird, weird storyline, but watchable somehow. That's probably why it won an Oscar. Odd that I'd never heard of this movie, watched it, then later today came across the soundtrack listed on someone's website. It's set in Spain, has subtitles. A journalist falls in love with a female bullfighter that ends up in a coma. In the hospital he meets this whacko that works at the hospital, caring for the girl he semi-stalked/adored from a distance. It went off a few times into some weird side stories. The oddest being one about a silent movie, where a female scientist accidentally shrinks her lover. Who then naturally decides to wander all over her body while she sleeps. Eventually deciding to crawl into her vagina. The gross factor of this is totally overshadowed by the fact that for the entire scene I kept thinking, someone got paid to create a giant set of legs with a anatomically correct crotch. And then what do you do with THAT set when the movie is over?

Dishes

What is with the dishes this summer? I hate do them. We need to get a dishwasher. It never bothered me before, but I think it's because it's so nice out, I'd rather be doing a million things other than the dishes.