Kindness

I was getting the magazine Body + Soul. I didn't renew the subscription, it was ok, but kinda weak. I think I'm gonna get Yoga Journal instead. Reason I mention it, I was reading an article in the last issue. It was in the "Holistic Dictionary" section. Each month was a different letter. I guess this way they know they have a page of copy for 26 issues. The letter was "K" for kindness.

The article was about just being kind. Kind to yourself, kind to others, thinking kind thoughts. Reading it really got to me. I had spent the weekend around at least one person who was seething with anger and general grumpyness to the world. I was struck by how unkind all her actions and words were. And how it was making me feel awful. Sucking the engery out of me to even be near. It made me realize how often I might have unkind thoughts about others in my head, yell at some idiot while I'm driving, just walk around with mean thoughts without even realizing it. Stupid things like, "why is that moron driving so slow! - and then realize it's a little old lady. Instead of thinking she shouldnb't be driving - thinking how cool it is she still has enough energy to get out and go where she wants to at that age - how I hope I do too. And gossip, trying to just pass along the tidbits that are good about people, not the crummy ones. ok - the driving might not be a good example - but you get what I mean.

How that all adds to my general stress. I'm tense enough as it is. Being around unkind people sucks the life out of you, and if you get in the habit of being mean yourself, it sucks the life out of you even more.

So be nice to people. You'll feel better.

Third times a charm we hope

Yesterday I had the first follicle scan for our third IUI attempt. All looks good so far. I go back again tomorrow. I'm thinking I'll probably have the IUI Friday or Saturday. Which is good as its the weekend and I can rest afterward. This is the first weekend in awhile that we have nothing scheduled, or anyone staying here. It will be a nice change. Finish things in the guestroom and spend time on our neglected garden. Take long walks with Ned.

I'm going to try and ignore this IUI. See if after we have it, I can attempt to forget it happened. Not think baby thoughts everyday for two weeks. I'm really gonna try.

Dr. Update

Sooooooooo....

I went to the Dr. Thursday morning.

I know I was worried about my blood test results, but I guess I didn't realize how tense: I woke up with one of the worst headaches I've ever had. It was right above my jaw and ear. I must have been grinding my teeth all night. My neck muscles, down my shoulders, even the top of my head hurt. I took 2 advil, drank a cup of coffee, which I've been off of for months, and then took a Tylenol. It finally went away.

You know how in movies you see patients meet Doctors in their offices when it's to discuss results, or learn they've got cancer? I don't think that actually happens in real life. I had to go to the normal patient room and sit on the extra chair while he sat on the wheelie stool. But that was ok, I didn't mind, it was just something I thought of later. ANYWAYS, the first thing he said was that my blood work was fine. As of this test - I've got good eggs. Meaning I've still got a good reserver and they're of good quality. As best they can tell from that test anyways.

We went over everything we've been doing, and long story short - he said if it were he and his wife, he'd continue on with the IUI's. Most affordable method, and that we may need to do as many as 5-6. He's really nice, very understanding. I really like our Doctor. He's got a good, dry sense of humor too. Said fertility is the hardest thing he has to work with, and not get discouraged or give up. So we'll start again next week with scans and a third IUI.

I just wish I could have my memory erased after each procedure so I don't think about it for two weeks. Just have D remember to say 'hey, maybe you should take a pregnancy test". That way too, when I get my period it wouldn't be a big deal, just another period. They should work hypnosis into the therapy.

Guest Room: Before & After

Scroll down thru the photos below to see the transition. Once we get the furniture back in and I hang some things on the walls, throw up some curtains, I'll post another pic.

At this point we had already torn up the carpet. I don't have a photo of the nasty worn down multi-level many shades of blue carpet. It was just nasty. Here I've started to go around and prime all the woodwork and area near the ceiling. You can see where there had been a chair rail. you can also see the particle board floors.

Even after we patched the walls while they were still blue, we had to do even more patching of tiny holes, uneven areas once the primer was one. It needed two coats of primer to cover that awful blue.

Painting is all done, ready to start on the floor.

Floor is just started to be put down here...

"why are you standing in the closet?"

Floors done!

Last night we finished getting the floor down. It looks so good! We just stand in the doorway and look at it. With all the colors so much lighter, the room looks huge now. While D cut some of the more detailed pieces, I got all the quarter round cut. Tonight I'll install that and do all the touch up painting. All that is left is to hang the doors and put the vent covers back on.

In the meantime, I've got two tables and a chest of drawers to sand, prime and paint white. I'm trying to find a crappy old full-size headboard somewhere that I can sand and paint white as well. My dream would be to get a twin size day bed with a trundle to put in that room. That way two people can sleep in there, but not take up a bunch of space.

Tired of thinking about it

Ever since Saturday I just feel tired. I've been really busy, at work and at home. Which is good, keep me occupied, but my face feels tired, my head feels tired. All I think about constantly in the back of my mind is all the fertility issues. I went and had blood work drawn on Monday. It's the cycle day 3 set of blood work tests. They test my FSH and Estradiol levels. The FSH should be low. If it's high it means my "good" egg count is low and my ovaries have to work harder to produce more FSH to get them to drop. (that's a very basic description)

I go tomorrow morning to talk to the Dr. about the test results and what to do next. I wish Dan could go but he has training to give that morning. I just hope the Dr. doesn't say I have bad eggs. I guess it's a pretty small chance, I'm not that old, but still, I'll worry about it until I talk to him.

Oh, btw, the woman who drew my blood, was a bitch. You walk into a small waiting room with no windows to another room or monitoring system. There is one door to another room marked "Lab", with a sign on it that says "Do Not Knock". There doesn't appear to be any means for the person in the lab to realize there is anyone waiting in the "waiting" room. No bells went off or anything when you walked in. The lab door opens, and the Lab Lady points to the older gentleman waiting ahead of me. She can't see me where I'm sitting so I say, "by the way, I'm here as well." Very pleasantly. "So which one of you is first!?" I said, "He is, I just wanted you to be aware I was here". 15 minutes later he comes out, she motions me in. Says not one word to me, other than "make a fist". Takes my blood, I get up, walk out. I realize she may not be exstatic to work in a tiny windowless room, by herself, doing nothing but drawing blood. But it doesn't make me feel any more comfortable about how the blood is being tested. I hope she's just the labor, and not the brains.

Ned at the Party

Here is a picture of Ned at the engagement party last weekend. That's us with Lee 'n Jon, our friends from Roanoke. Lee is in love with Ned. I had to check her luggage before she left to make sure she didn't take him.

You can see the stage set up behind us. It was on a flatbed trailer. The used old billboard vinyls I gave them to create a canopy, and put up twinkle lights. It actuallyy looked cool. Very hillbilly.

The band, GreenSky Bluegrass, was great. I'd only heard their cd once before we went. They were alot of fun and really included the audience in everything. The did a cover of a Journey song that was pretty funny. They seemed to really dig Ned as well. They asked what his name was from the stage, then yelled out "Ned, where's the squirrel!?" Then made over him during their break.

He got lots of attention at the party. He also gave lots of attention at the party. There were a LOT of dogs there. All on leashes. Almost all spayed females. My dog is a horndog. He would not leave the girls alone. It was embarassing. Even worse was one female dog, Dixie. She kept backing her butt up into his face. We watched her do it several times! In the end I had to pick him up and walk around with him. He'd collapse in my arms, but at soon as I got tired and put him down, he'd lunge right for another girl.

The party was a great time. Out on Ridge No 2 in Marshall County, WV. It was a beautiful night. Preceded by a nasty thunderstorm that had horizontal rain, thunder, lightening, the works. We had about 4 of those picnic, easy up, cover tent things. People had to hold on to them while we were under them for cover or they would have taken off in the wind. It was crazy windy. But it was also a lot of fun. As soon as it stopped, the food was ready, everyone dug in, and the band started their second set. We got to see a lot of good friends and laughed a lot. I needed that. That's a big ol glass of sangria in my hand. I thought I would have drank a lot more, but I didn't. That's really all I had. I'm glad we went, it was a great time. And our friends had a great party to celebrate their upcoming wedding.

Well that didn't work.

This morning was cycle day 27. Wouldn't have been expecting a period until tomorrow or Monday, but woke up with soaking pajamas. My best, favorite, brand new jammies to boot. Really, really, reallllllllyyyy sucks. It just makes me so tired. You want to be excited, but you constantly restrain your emotions, yet you can't help day-dreaming about how exciting it would be to tell people the good news. And you have all that time after the procedure to wait and keep all that under control. Then you get your period and you do the same. You don't want to get too upset, you don't want to let it bother you too much. Then you worry about now having to pay for one more procedure. It's just draining. And we really felt strong about this one.

So I'll just keep busy. Our friends came to stay for the weekend last night. We didn't get the bedroom done, so we let them stay in our room. We slept on just the mattress on the floor in the unfinished room. Everyone but me has someplace to be this morning, so I'm going to paint the quarter-round and the doors - add another coat. Maybe go to yoga. Go to the store to get the stuff to make what we're taking to the shindig today.

We're supposed to go to an all day Engagement party. It's out at a friends family's property in Marshall county. On a ridgetop with a gorgeous view. Green Sky Bluegrass, the band that won Telluride bluegrass competition will be playing, a cook-out, lots of food and drinks, people, dogs. We're taking Ned. Should be a great time. Except it supposed to rain. All. Day. That could be bad and messy. Hopefully for our friends it doesn't. They're really excited about this party. They're haivng it in lieu of a reception as they are getting married in Oz next year. Jacinta is from Melbourne. Excited to know she'll be living here for awhile after the wedding before they move back there permanently. She's cool and wants to be in bookclub.

Back to the period. Something I'm having trouble letting go of: I had a friend get shitty with me last week - out of the blue got mad because she thought the fact I made a comment about knowing about the bands at V-fest meant I was super cool and she wasn't. Which was not what i meant at all. She then reamed me out about how I have no clue what it's like to have kids, etc and how she doesn't have time to be cool and know about music. It was actually pretty mean. Ya know - considering and all. That I would give Dan's left nut to have a kid and never know jackshit about the latest bands. I may not "have a freaking clue" about kids, but this friend has zero concept about worying about money. I get so mad when I think about what she said, then think about how worried I am about how much this is all costing us, whether or not we will ever get pregnant, what the f will we do if we have to adopt, how the f would we pay for that - while she's worried about picking out furniture for her Second Home. While caring for her two beautiful daughters. She was in a bad mood, or having a bad day or something when she sent the nasty email, I don't think she meant to be as mean as it came out. I don't think she meant or realized how it would hurt my feelings. It's just sometimes she lives in a completley different world than I do. I need to let it go - I need to not be mad about it. But when you get your period and need to be mad at someone or thing, this is what I'm focusing on. And being mad just makes me tired.

Just the floor

Last night I got three coats of paint on all the wood trim. This was difficult to do as Ned kept either wanting to crawl into my lap, or kept bringing me his Teddy and almost dropping him in the paint. Somehow he got paint on his ear.

We changed out all the electrical outlets with new white ones, and used the table saw to trim down the size of the doors. Tonight I need to touch up the paint, just a few spots here and there and prime & paint the quarter round and doors. I could probably get that all done tonight. That would leave us with just having to lay the floor Thursday night. I don't think it's going to be that hard to do. Especially if that's all we have left. We'll probably wait to put the quarter round in Sunday. I also have two tables and a chest of drawers to paint, but they can wait til next week as well.

On a totally unrelated note - the village of High Wycombe where I stayed in England last December was on the news for being a location that had bomb making supplies found in the woods there. Weird to know where they mean.

Absinthe Green

This is what I'm going to name the color of the room now, as it's apparently making me crazy. I went and bought a new gallon of paint in yet a different shade of minty sage green. Slapped a two foot square sample on the wall, waited for it to dry, and decided I hated the new color - actually quite like the original green. This could be the first time in my life I've had problems picking out paint color. And I've painted a LOT of rooms. Very frustrating. But I do think I like what we've got now. Pretty sure. We'll see.

Last night I put one coat on all the trim work, need to put a second quick coat on tonight. We're also hoping to start laying the floor down tonight as well. I felt really good, listening to music, had a few sips of a beer (need to buy O'Douls tonight) was painting away. Around 10 pm though I got really sick to my stomach. Hope this is a good sign. I had to lay down on the cold basement floor while I watched Dan chisel out the hardware notches on the new doors. It eventually went away.

Remodeling

We started remodeling/redecortaing - whatever - our guestroom Friday afternoon. We got all the carpet, pad and tack strips up, patched the walls. Saturday we went to buy supplies and had people over that evening.

Sunday I primed everything twice and Dan painted the ceiling. I got the room completely painted with the final color - and hate it. I wanted a light mint/sage green. It only looks that way in very certain light. Mostly it looks like radiation green. The color seems to glow out of the room. I've tried to talk myself into it, but I can't. I've got to paint it a different color. So that's what I have to look forward to tonight. Painting that quickly so I can start painting the trim. So we can start laying the floor as soon as possible. sigh. Lots to do.

Prime and Paint quarter round, two doors. Switch electrical outlets to white, install ceiling fan....

What has been keeping me so busy this summer....Baby StuffIUI number one didn't work. Which was ok. Not unexpected being the first one. It wasn't for naught though, we found out a lot of info during all the scanning, etc. That was June. We had to skip July as we were out of town when we could have tried. This past Sunday we had our second IUI completed. We're feeling better and better about it. I've been on glucophage the entire time, and it seems to have made a difference. Everything (follicles and lining) were in much better shape for this time around. I just have a good feeling about it in general. Something else that has made it all more bearable...we found out that our insurance is actually paying towards our scans as diagnostic. Even a little bit of help is great - considering we were planning on it all being out of pocket.

How about a friend emailed me some info about PCOS, she's had to deal with it as well. She told me to drink lots of water as it will dehydrate you and your kidneys/back will hurt. How come she knew this but my doctor's office looked at me like I was nuts, and didn't say anything about it? It went away, but at least now I know what it was from. I do drink lots of water though, so that's good.

The waiting part is bad. I try not to think about any of it. Then I spend more time trying not to think about how many days I have until I would get my period. 10 days btw. So I've started, well actually decided to get off my butt and FINISH a project to keep me busy. A YEAR ago I started wall hanging/mural for my friends kids room. I got it sewn and the background painted. The animals have been all sketched out on paper the entire time. I have books of animal images, a book on how to draw animals. I have tons of paint, brushes, etc. I just never had the desire to get going on it again. To be honest, I think I was worried I'd start and just F it up. So I dove right into it Monday. It looks freakin awesome if I do say so myself. It's a safari, so it shows the grasslands with Kilimanjaro in the background. Giraffe, ostrich, lion, rhino, elephant, gazelle,zebra and cape buffalo. So far the ostrich, zebra, and gazelle are done. The Rhino is almost finished, just need to detail his face. Tonight it's the giraffe and the elephant. They aren't cartoonish, but they also aren't super realistic. Somewhere in between. I'm trying to get it done by Friday. If not, then I have to move the project to the basement to complete it. Dan wants to start tearing up the bedroom to finally remodel it. New paint job, paint the trim white, new doors, new carpet, new light fixture. Buying the carpet has been what's kept us from doing it. It's expensive.

I need to post pics of the garden. I think it looks great, D thinks we've had a poor harvest. We've probably picked 12 dozen cucumbers so far. And three big bowls full of peas. The beans didn't do that great, and the tomatos are late. We'll have a ton of 'mater's, but they are only just now ripening up. We've been fighting the cuc beetle ongoing. One zuchini plant has sucumbed. The remaining plant and the two squash seem ok. The cucumber plants look like they're starting to get a bit of wilt though. The eggplant are just now starting to show fruit. We didn't get a second harvest from the everbearing strawberries like we expected. The carrots and onions are doing great. So are the herbs. And my favorite - we've got 5 pumpkins so far. Expecting more by fall.

Around the house we haven't done as much - ok - NO landscaping like I wanted to. I haven't had a ton of energy this summer. I'm wondering if it's the glucophage. But we painted the deck, looks lots better.

And of course we've got Ned. He's been great. Such a good boy. He's pretty much house trained. He does have an occasional accident in his crate. And the other night he pee'd by the door. But it was right in frontof the door - so he knows to go to the door. He basically gets to run around outside as much as he wants. I seriously need to work on walking him with a leash. He's ok, but doesn't do it often enough. He still freaks out at little things. Like if something is in the yard or driveway that wasn't there the last time he went thru, he will freak out howling and growling at it until someone comes and shows him it's ok. He still loves his teddy, His new thing though isn't fetching it. He brings it to you because he wants you to swing him around on it while he holds on with his teeth. We do it so he's toes are just touching the ground so he doesn't fall far when he lets go. His tail is wagging like crazy the entire time he's going around.

I really, really, really need a vacation. I wanted to go to the beach so badly. For a full week, sat to sat. Not just a few days. Doesn't look like we'll get to. Even if we can go someplace just for a weekend it would be good. I need a get-away mini break weekend at least. Use up our Marriot points.

We've had lots of people come and stay with us this summer. This coming weekend is our first free weekend in a long time. We're just staying home and trying to enjoy our house in its summer glory while it's still summer. Fall is almost here. I'm already thinking about Oglebayfest and fall sweaters.

2 am

Here we are, 2am, sitting on my yoga mat, waiting for AAA.

PNC Park

Two weekends ago D's cousin and his new wife came to visit us for the weekend. They like to go to diff ballparks around the country. Once they realizedhow close we lived to Pittsburgh, they decided to check out PNC Park. We had a really good time with them, and the park is amazing. Not a bad seat in it, with a spectacular view of the skyline.

But the day we went was just such a long day. I had been out of town in Florida at my brother's. Dan and his cousin/wife picked me up from the airport, and went directly to Station Square for late dinner. Rode the incline. Went to the ballgame. Went to the Southside and bar hopped, had a blast. I was Des. Driver. Around 1:30am I was like - I'm getting sleepy, and I have to drive your drunk butts home.

As soon as we got on the highway I noticed my headlights seemed dim. Then my dash lights seemed dim. Halfway home I looked down the the gauges were pulling an X-File episode on my and flipping up and down all over the place. I was waiting for the mother ship to appear to abduct us.

So it's me - with a carload of sleeping drunk people. I said - "hey! Wake him (D) up! It took forever to get him up and realizing what was wrong. "itsh nothing baby - keep going". So I keep going, and the lights are getting dimmer, and dimmer. Now the gauges all say we shouldn't be moving, and yet we are. We are approaching the last rest stop before the WV line, just 3 miles away from our exit to go home, when the lights fail. I said "I'm pulling over" 'nahm nah - Keep going! itsch alright!". So the car actually loses power as I pull over. At the end of the on ramp for the rest stop. And we're driving a black Rodeo. Dan pops the hood and starts messing around, I'm freaking out he's going to get hit. We call AAA, and Dan pushes/coasts the car back down off the highway onto the ramp berm. Much safer. And then we wait. It's like 3 am when the AAA arrives. We get a jump and he follows us to our exit. This is because he couldn't tow us and take 4 people with him. Apparently the jump was enough to charge the alternator. It got us to the end of our driveway where it died again. I was so glad to be home. Longest day ever. It ended up being a completely dead battery. Oh - and the next day ti was funny, we were talking about what happened, and I was like - "yeah - YOU said keep going! We had NO lights" Dan - "And you were going to listen to the DRUNK Guy!?!" It was actually pretty funny.

Seaside Park, NJ

Our summer vacation this year entailed a lot of traveling. We visited friendsin Roanoke, then spent the Fourth in DC, then met the family at Dan's uncle's beach house at the shore. It was great to see everyone and get to relax a bit at the beach. It's taken me awhile to get used to "the shore" beach experience as opposed to the South Carolina beaches I'm used to going to with my family. But I've come to love it, and look forward to going there every year. (I still miss Myrtle though)

This year for something new, we took the ocean kayaks out into the bay. I really enjoyed it. What a great workout! I thought it was a lot of fun, I think D just did it to make me happy. I love going down to the beach really early before the crowds get in. Usually see some dolphins. I missed it, but a few fishermen said one morning they saw a whale moving down the shore, tail came up out of the water and everything! That would have been cool. I've never seen a whale in the wild.

Big Pie

This is the largest pizza I've ever seen. We had Dan's niece put her hand near it for size reference. We got it when the whole family went to the "Heights" - Seaside Heights, NJ for the evening. It was great to get New York style pizza for a change.

The "Heights" is several large piers built up with amusement rides, carnival type games, skee-ball, and junk food restaurants. Really loud, smell of food frying, great people watching. Love to people watch at the heights. You don't see that kind of mix of people, hairstyles, clothing styles in WV on a daily basis. Highly entertaining.

Market Square - Roanoke

A ferw pics of the Market Square area in downtown Roanoke. It's a wonderful thriving area with tons of shops and restaurants, all local stores - no chains allowed. They have permanent market stalls set up and have people selling all year round on the weekends. I really liked this area! Very cool. BTW- that's my friend in the sunglasses.

The Horse I Grew Up With

When we were in Roanoke in July I spotted this in the window of an antiques shop. One of those times when you get slammed with memories from you childhood in just a few seconds.

This is identical to a horse that was located outside of one of the grocery stores in the town I grew up in. I showed this to my parent's and they think it was outside of K's Foodland, but I think it was in front of Riesbecks Foodmart. I remember the color, the reins, the feel of the metal rivets which were diamond shaped. I rode this thing for hours. Mom would give me quarters and I'd sit on the horse while she shopped. I didn't even care if it actually moved, I just loved sitting on it and daydreaming I had a horse.

Side thought here - this was back in the days when you could leave your kid outside of the grocery store and not even think about someone snatching them.

Anyways, this just brought back a lot of memories.

Lots n lots of Neddy Boy

I'm back

Before I post what's been going on in life this summer...here's some Ned.